Day 1 - mostly just freaked out. Had to just repeat the Memory Text the E.N.T.I.R.E. day. You can probably guess what that was: Thou wilt keep her in perfect peace whose mind is stayed upon Thee because she trusteth in Thee. Thought I trusted God - and I do. Just apparently not with my actual life.
Day 2 - hey at least I got past the chatter in my head. The Memory Text was the exact same one as - drumroll here - Day 1. Coinkydink? I think NOT!
Day 3 - oh my. life happened. did my devotions - but not this one.
Day 4 - had a dream before I woke up way too late to do my daily devotional plus my Prayer90X. The dream was short. It was a nasty-old-hairy-bony hand serving me some super yummy food barehanded. Disgusting. Then I woke up and got the message: Satan was working any 'ole way he could to keep me from this devotional. And? Nope - didn't do it that day.
Day 5 - or in Prayer90X land - Day 3. I am back. What was so important about this day anyway? (Get the book - you won't be sorry you did...)
Dear Jesus - Thank You that You never give up on me. You woo me, You made my heart and You know just how to gently reach me. I praise You for that. Increase my hearing and obeying please!
Philippians 2:5-11 (NASB)
5 Have this attitude in and among yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be utilized, grasped or asserted, 7 but emptied Himself IE. laid aside His privileges, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. 8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Gotta say - didn't like reading this. I have a whole lot of 'want to ascend' in me. For the first time - because of course I've read this passage before many times - I glimpsed what Peter felt as he denied Christ 3 times. Embarrassment. Shame. Physical recoiling. Did not like reading this passage. Did not enjoy it - in fact physiologically felt embarrassment at Jesus doing this.
As I meditated on this state of affairs I thought HOW? How in the world could Jesus have done that? Like seriously - HOW? Because if I don't understand the 'how' I can't move forward here - and 'here' is NOT a good spot.
A verse slid softly into my mind. 'For the joy set before Him...' And such was my state that it probably took repeating it out loud to myself twice before it sunk in. I grabbed my phone and went to blueletterbible.com typed in 'for the joy' and the whole thing opened up to me.
Hebrews 12:2
..Jesus, the author, leader and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
First thing - totally don't get that phrase: despising the shame. Too many negatives or something. Consequently - had to do a word search for 'despising' and for 'shame'. You give it a go...
Second thing - Context. Well now, isn't it amazing that Hebrews 12 follows Hebrews 11! Sure does. And the really neat thing about that is when I put it all together I get this picture:
The cross didn't phase/distract/discourage/frighten/dissuade Jesus from the ecstatic future His eye could see. If I'm tempted to dismiss that as not being relevant to me because I'm not Jesus - well let me just take myself right next door to Hebrews 11. Here I see Sarah. She had a cross. Are you telling me life with Abraham was a picnic? It was not. Having to wait to have her firstborn until she was - well you know. UP there. That's called a cross. Husband heads out with her only child willing to kill him - without telling her. I find the Bible eloquently silent regarding Sarah upon Abraham's return. Definite cross for her.
Further - none of those folk in Hebrews 11 - saw the promise before they died. That's why it's called the faith chapter...
Waiting on the Lord for His promise? Abraham hasn't gotten his yet. Sarah hasn't gotten hers yet. Major brain changer for me.
Suddenly I see myself. Not a pretty sight. Another verse slips into my mind - and I'm not sharing it with you. Because it is too personal. (But I have much sympathy for you when your verse comes to you...) Gently it shows me that I need to start 'despising the shame' or I will have the real deal and it spells out exactly what that looks like. Painful - but in an 'ok' way. A way that melts away my earlier emotions of embarrassment, shame, guilt. I get it now. My citizenship is in heaven - where Jesus is coming from. Jesus is the One who will transform my wretched body such that it conforms to His glorious body because He is able to subdue all things to Himself!
Thank You Jesus - thank You that You are the WAY the TRUTH the LIFE and that I CAN come to the Father by You. You can help me keep my eyes on heaven. You can give me a spirit of despising for the earthly things that try to distract me from You. Through You I CAN live a life of victory. Thank You again...
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